Am I over thinking it? Maybe, but it's still true. That's why I feel I should explain myself. So if you don't care, then don't read. If you do, keep going.
The reason I'm not using my real name is not because I have anything to hide (If I did would I have linked my Facebook page to, let alone put my picture on, this blog?), but because I feel that here, on this blog, I relate more to the 'Lupkin' me than the 'Hulse' me.
There's a few reasons for this. First, while I may have been born with the name 'Hulse', I haven't used that name all my life. For 8 years I used 'Wellbaum' (my ex stepdad's name) and then I used 'Ward' (my mum's maiden name) for the next 3. It wasn't until I went into the Navy 3 months before my 19th birthday (I got a medical discharge in bootcamp.) that I had to start using 'Hulse' regularly. Ad to that the fact that my father and his side of my family were basically gone from my life (& frankly, still are), I never felt attached to that name. Why use that name at all then? Well, it is my legal name, & I never felt the need to change it (Although my mum said she would pay for it to be changed to 'Ward'.).
The second reason is that a person's name tends to effect how people view and react to you. Take my first name for instance. What type of person do you think of when you hear the name 'Christopher'? Well, I picture someone who is pleasant, but reserved. A person who maintains control of themselves at all times. Someone who might be a little uptight & formal. Their concerned with maintaining the appearance of something like 'eloquence' or 'propriety'. They use words like 'eloquence' & 'propriety'. Don't get me wrong, I think it's a great name, just a little stiff.
Now look at the shortened version of the name, the one I use. 'Chris'. That makes me think of someone who's also pleasant, but in this case laid back. They don't think about appearances. They don't think about being 'in control'. All they care about is having fun & making sure everyone else is having fun too, or are at least happy. While I don't mind being called 'Christopher' (A few members of my family and a couple friends I've had called me that.), I prefer 'Chris' for this reason.
Another reason I'm using the name 'Lupkin' here that ties into the last reason is that the name you use also effects how you see yourself much in the same way as it does others. Most people aren't aware of this effect, but it's there. That's why people with the same name usually act similar. Not always, (there's always the exception to the rule) but a lot of the time. 'Lupkin' tends to make me feel more outspoken and confident than 'Hulse'.
You may be wondering "Why use 'Lupkin'? What's so special about that name?" To answer that question, I have to tell you who Lupkin is. You see, Lupkin isn't me. Well, not me technically. Lupkin is one of the many aspects of my personality. (I'll explain that another time.) Think of him as sort of the angel sitting on my right shoulder. He's the one that makes me look before I leap, reams me out when I'm being stupid, kicks my ass when I need it, & makes me make the "right" choices no matter how hard they may be. He is who I want to be, but not who I am by a long shot.
Yes, I know he's not real, & yes, you could say I created him, but that doesn't make him any less a driving force in my life. I honestly didn't really know he was there until about 10 years ago. There was just something. A presence in the back of my mind. I don't know, maybe in a way he was the 'childhood hero' I never had. (I didn't have a childhood hero at all.) Who knows.
Anyway, I'm getting off the point. Point is, the 'Lupkin' part of me tends to be more outspoken & take charge than I normally am. That's how I feel I can & will be here. So when I post things here, it will be 'Chris Lupkin' talking, not 'Chris Hulse'. (Well, in spirit anyway.)
